So, I recently was giving a friend a ride and we had need for some nourishment and found that we had very little time. So, what type of food does one get when they are on a tight schedule? That's right, fast food. So anyway Taco Bell at lunch time is a little crowded, so Brian and I decide to drive-thru. We make our selections and then wait for the multiple cars in front of us.
While in a drive thru you are only concerned with those cars directly in front and behind you. You want the car in front to get out as quickly as possible and you hint at this by getting very close to their bumper, but at the same time you have that other guy behind you who gets all up in your space. Needless to say it is quite the conundrum.
So there is only one car in front of us and 3 behind us. The window helper lady hands the food to the car in front of us and they pull away slightly and then brake, performing the "I am checking for all my food" search. Why on earth are you stopping 3 feet in front of the window! You are effectively hindering me from reaching the window and getting my food. As well, what are you going to do? Are you going to put the car in reverse? We all know that is impossible because as soon as the drive-thru line goes forward it is impossible to go back again. So do us all a favor and pull away at least 15 feet before checking for your food. It makes no sense to hold up the rest of us.
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9 months ago
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other drive-thru pet peeves:
-drivers who do an intense hermeneutical study of the menu when trying to decide what to order. I mean, restaurants have now put pictures of virtually everything on the menu to help people. just decide. it is not hard.
-have money ready. most places take "cards" now (credit/debit/whatever)...it is not difficult. just anticipate that they will ask you for money when you get to the window.
-turn off headlights if you're in line...especially if you are a large truck with bright lights that blinds the people in the little NEON in front of you...
I'm sure there is more but I'll stop now.
I had chili last night. i must say it was one of my finest batches yet. quite tasty. just the right ammount of spice and flavor. but my booty hole is paying for it this morning. luckly, thanks to jon and his connection to fine literature, i found out that im not alone in my pooping and passing of gas. far from it actually. not only do humans poop and fart, but elephants and whales do too. so do little bugs. skunks do too, but dont confuse their smelly spray as a fart, its much different, not a fart at all actually. it got me thinking, how cool would it be to be able to send out a non fart like gas from your body at will. like if your wife is being really annoying, you could just spray her. end of conversaish right there. im not sure if id choose that or being able to pee any liquid as my super power. its pretty much a toss up. thanks to greg and shawn murray we know that some people have the power to fart at will, but only in funny positions. i once saw a guy at my bus stop in jr high conjour while standing up. needless to say, we were all quite impressed. he had clearly reached the pinnacle of fartdom. a "chaz" of farting if you will. truly and innovator, and well ahead of his time. when i broke my collar bone, they wanted me to pee before theyd let me leave the hospital just to make sure everything was working normal again, but looking back on it im pretty sure they would have been ok with a few farts. if only i knew then what i know now.
i dont like drive throughs either.
hey neal. ill be in nyc on the eve of the 2nd. how bout some fine dining?
sign me up man, even though it's the morning of the 3rd now. we can go get in a line for something. no drive throughs around here and i do not have a car, but i'm sure we can get annoyed from waiting for something else.
if you are at the book store and want to read more about farts and poop, skim through Trip Trap by Jack Kerouac. In that book is my favorite Haiku on the topic.
Albert in the old // outhouse: "Years //
And years of *hit //
in there."
Nice poem Capeli...
hey, my friend "Russ" (spoke at my wedding) is going to be spending a few months this summer in Manhatten. Do you want to be his "token NY connection"? I'll try to shoot you an email but wanted to give you a head's up about the possibility.
poop on.
Boys...your blog is like a baby. A little newborn baby. You must nurture your baby so it will grow and thrive. You know what's not a good way to nurture your baby? Putting it in the corner and forgetting about it. I'm letting you know that your baby has been diagnosed, by me, with FTT (Failure to Thrive) related to neglect. If your blog really was a baby, you'd all be arrested.
Which reminds me, did you all hear about that vegan couple in Atlanta? They got sentenced to life in prison for the death of their malnourished baby. They only fed him soy milk and apple juice.
Yeah, that "vegan" couple. Riiiight.
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