Well I was tempted to just write another comment on Jeremy's last post, a "Matt comment" if you will, but I guess the time has come for me to make another post of my own. I don't know if I can inspire 14 comments but I'll do my best.
Many of you know that I enjoy working out quite a bit. It is generally a good thing as I like being fit, however over the last few years I have been exposed to a culture I was not really that aware of previously. The Gym. I could probably write a short book on all of the facets of the gym that I find intriguing but today I'm going to focus on 2 that really bug me: old naked guys and water aerobics.
Now, I've never been in the women's locker room at a gym so I can't comment on that, but in my experience in men's locker rooms old guys sure like to walk around the locker room naked. And the older they are, the more they walk around. It's like they have to see every little bit of the locker room. I don't get it at all. I was a swimmer for a long time and I spent many years around lots of guys in speedos but I will never be comfortable parading around a locker room totally naked. And these guys totally don't care, they'll stand around watching CNBC or Cartoon Network or whatever the TVs have on, talk to their "gym friends", or just take a few naked laps around the locker room. It's weird.
But maybe not as weird as what I think is probably the most ridiculously ineffective form of exercise there is - water aerobics. There is really nothing aerobic about water aerobics. It's just a bunch of old ladies kind of hopping around in the pool. And usually half of them are complaining about how cold the water is. I swear that there is one lady in the water aerobics "class" at my gym that wears a springsuit. (For those of you that are unfamiliar with wetsuits, a springsuit is a wetsuit that stops at the elbows and knees). Anyway, swimming is fantastic exercise, really good for you, but hopping around a pool for 45 minutes or so is another story. It might be kinda fun but let's not kid ourselves and think that it's the same as lifting weights, running, biking, or even walking. Plus, they always hang on the lane lines. I was a lifeguard for too long for that not to bother me.
In other swimming related news I have to agree with Neal, Michael Phelps is pretty much not human. If you guys aren't aware of what he's doing at the World Championships you should check it out. He's winning everything he swims and just completely demolishing world records.
Also, you better believe I'm gonna see Pride. But first I need to go see a certain movie involving ice skating, Will Ferrell, and Napolean Dynamite.
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9 months ago
6 comments:
Your post presents me with a paradox. I don't want to be young. For the love of all that is good in the world, why do we worship youth in this culture. Youth are idiots.
I have just subbed for freshman the past 2 days and I agree with Jon, from 6th grade to freshman, I think we need to kids locked in a cage. Only letting them out twice a day to strech their legs.
Although some may need to be locked in their cage for more than the time I alotted, the 4 years I mentioned seem to be a good base.
Also along those same lines as nudity, I had some students in the youth group that have talked about wanting to just be naked when they get to camp and they are in their cabin/room. I don't know where they get this idea...perhaps the old men at the gym are just these guys that have grown up. I try to tell the young ones that when you are over 18 (especially over 22) it is no longer acceptable to just "be naked" with other people. It is just weird and kinda creepy.
Perhaps the old men at the gym never had anyone tell them that. Anyway in the meantime you should start rubbing poison ivy leaves all over the locker room, maybe then they will learn their lesson.
good post. and good comment. there are a lot things I want to say...like gyms ARE a fascinating place to observe human behavior (just like airports!) but right now I have just one question:
why is it such a big deal to not hang on the lane lines? I've wondered this for a long time. Does it damage them? does it make us dependent and not able to tread water? why can't I hang on the line, especially if I'm a 9-year old kid who weighs 65 lbs?
Jar,
It stretches the rope...so when the lane lines need to be used for 'real' swimmers, they drift all over the place instead of being a nice, taut lane line. And even a 65 lb kid standing on, hanging on, sitting on, or doing flips over the lane line will stretch it out. My favorite was always the kid who would continually do flips over the rope, and when yelled at to stop would hold up his hands and say "what? I'm not touching the rope." Come to think of it, you were probably that kid.
jar, i have much sympathy for you. i instantly knew youd get schalackled back there. we non lifeguards need to stick together in this over infested red short/ziti eating world. let us stick to playing tennis while watching our friends "work" all summer.
having spent the better part of 6 hours of my life in a gym, even i can attest to the GNS (gerryatric nudity syndrome) that is running rampant in americas community showers. i believe this syndrome has become close to an epidemic. no cure is in sight. but lets not forget where this all came from. You got it, like everything else crappy that exists in the world it came from france. theyre so french over there. im pretty sure it stems from their delusional mindset of their own outer appearance and overall physique. and im betting the thought that their accent is considered sexy by the stupid american girl contributes not a little bit as well. but jon, lets not forget the amazing display of unashamed nudity at icelands blue lagoon. no attempt to be bashful in that place. so im tempted to hypothisize that this problem has run the world over. there is no stopping it. the old man is simply so beat down that his only freedom left is in the locker room amongst the bodies of his youth. im pretty sure its a club you have to be hazed into similar to the ending of the da vinci code. talk about creepy. but most convincing was my case study of one greenville college that i completed back in '97. here is a place where a student is required to sign a statement that solemnnly commits himself to 4 years of dance free education. 4 years of no drinking, smoking or sex. 4 years of no girls feet off the floor in your room. 4 years of pretty much doing everything opposite of what your mind and body is telling you to do, all the while, youre supposed to shower next to crazy rod and the short hairs. who by the way lives in stl now and can be seen cruising regency square waiting for the movies and pizza place to come back.
Nice to have you back, Matt.
whos matt
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